"I subscribe to a daily newsletter called "Everyday Cheapskate" and I frequently find little gems of advice that are worth keeping and treasuring. This has to be the motherlode of advice for the Holiday Season, and I'm happy to pass it on to you. I want to thank Mary Hunt, the author, for this timely advice, I hope it helps you! "

"If your spending habits are nudging you into holiday debt, you don't have to give in. You can experience a joyful season without mortgaging your future in order to feel good. It's all a matter of attitude -- something over which you have tremendous control. While you can't change many things related to this holiday season, you can choose the way you respond to them.

"It may seem completely ridiculous to think that just by changing your attitude you can change your circumstances, but it's often true. Disadvantages can be turned into advantages simply by the way you look at them. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything.

"Don't be pressured into spending more at this time of year because you think it's the right thing to do. While you may have done this in the past, now is the time to make your holiday merry without taking all of Madison Avenue's suggestions.

"Here's a life principle that will help you understand and make meaningful attitude changes: It's easier to act your way into a feeling than to feel your way into an action. If you change your attitudes not because you feel like it but because you know what you're doing is the right thing, your feelings will follow. On the other hand, if you wait until you do it just because it feels good, you can wind up in massive debt.

"Everything about the holiday season stimulates our feelings. The music moves our spirits and tenderizes our souls. The displays of grandeur take our breath away. The grand decorations, the blessed sentiments; the gifts, the giving, the children and the loved ones; the snow, the parties and the pageants; the holly and mistletoe -- all of these things encourage us to act compulsively without thoughts of the consequences.

"Yet it's difficult to ignore the fear of not doing everything well enough; the guilt of not measuring up, giving the right gift or spending enough to even the score.

"Christmas can be one overwhelming feeling after another. If we allow our spending to be controlled by the feeling we happen to be having at the moment, we're in for some kind of a roller-coaster ride that carries a heavy price tag.

"I'm not suggesting that you should shut down your emotions during the month of December so you can stop feeling. Not at all! I'm only suggesting you not let your feelings direct your life. That's the job for your values, ethics and morals.

"Rather than allowing your attitudes about Christmas and debt to be shaped by your ever-changing feelings brought on by sights, sounds, smells, shopping malls, magazines, neighbors, friends, family or any other person, place or thing, you can choose to shape your attitudes in a reasoned and logical manner. This is the way to take control of your holiday spending. "

The best gift of all~

"Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

"Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

"Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

"Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

"Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love."

~Thanks Harold!

What Love Means to a Child
Adults should take lessons from some of these kids! A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year olds.
"What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.

1. When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toe nails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca - age 8
2. When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths. Billy - age 4
3. Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other. Kari - age 5
4. Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy - age 6
5. Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri - age 4
6. Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny - age 7
7. Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and my daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss. Emily - age 8
8. Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. Bobby - age 7
9. If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. Nikki - age 6
10. Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day. Noelle - age 7
11. Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy - age 6
12. During my piano recital, I was on stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. Cindy - age 8
13. My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night. Clare - age 6
14. Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine - age 5
15. Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford. Chris - age 7
16. Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day. Mary Ann - age 4
17. When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. Karen - age 7
18. Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and doesn't think it's gross. Mark - age 6
19. You really shouldn't say "I LOVE YOU" unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica - age 8

And the winner was a 4 year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly man who had just lost his wife. When the child saw the man cry, the little boy went over into the man's yard and climbed on top of the man's lap and just sat there. When the boy's mother asked him what he'd said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

~out of the email bag, Thanks Harold!

You make the choice. Don't look for a punch line. There isn't one. Read it anyway.

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.
After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question. "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"
The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. "I believe, that when a child like Shay comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."
Then he told the following story: Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging. Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and, getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."
In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the outfield. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, would they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.
The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.
Instead, the pitcher took the ball and turned and threw the ball on a high arc to right field, far beyond the reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" By the time Shay rounded first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases toward home. Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, "Shay, run home!" Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.
"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world."

AND, NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY:
We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people think twice about sharing. The crude and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools
and workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people on your address list that aren't the "appropriate" ones to receive this type of message.

Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the "natural order of things."

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:

Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up that opportunity, and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

You now have two choices:
1. Delete this.
2. Forward it to the people you care about.

Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Ever run across some little tidbit that just bowled you over and you had to run to the top of the mountain and make sure everyone else knew about it? ~

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us. It is in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Nelson Mandela

The privilege of voting

A short history lesson on the privilege of voting...
The women were innocent and defenseless. And by the end of the night, they were barely alive. Forty prison guards wielding clubs and their wardens' blessing went on a rampage against the 33 women wrongly convicted of "obstructing sidewalk traffic." They beat Lucy Burn, chained her hands to the cell bars above her head and left her hanging for the night, bleeding and gasping for air. They hurled Dora Lewis into a dark cell, smashed her head against an iron bed and knocked her out cold. Her cellmate, Alice Cosu, thought Lewis was dead and suffered a heart attack.
Additional affidavits describe the guards grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching, twisting and kicking the women. Thus unfolded the "Night of Terror" on Nov. 15, 1917, when the warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there because they dared to picket Woodrow Wilson's White House for the right to vote.
For weeks, the women's only water came from an open pail. Their food--all of it colorless slop--was infested with worms. When one of the leaders, Alice Paul, embarked on a hunger strike, they tied her to a chair, forced a tube down her throat and poured liquid into her until she vomited. She was tortured like this for weeks until word was smuggled out to the press.
So, refresh my memory. Some women won't vote this year because--why, exactly? We have carpool duties? We have to get to work? Our vote doesn't matter? It's raining?
Last week, I went to a sparsely attended screening of HBO's new movie "Iron Jawed Angels." (originally shown in Feb. 2004) It is a graphic depiction of the battle these women waged so that I could pull the curtain at the polling booth and have my say. I am ashamed to say I needed the reminder. All these years later, voter registration is still my passion. But the actual act of voting had become less personal for me, more rote. Frankly, voting often felt more like an obligation than a privilege. Sometimes it was inconvenient.
My friend Wendy, who is my age and studied women's history, saw the HBO movie, too. When she stopped by my desk to talk about it, she looked angry.
She was--with herself. "One thought kept coming back to me as I watched that movie," she said. "What would those women think of the way I use--or don't use--my right to vote? All of us take it for granted now, not just younger women, but those of us who did seek to learn." The right to vote, she said, had become valuable to her "all over again."
HBO will run the movie periodically before releasing it on video and DVD. I wish all history, social studies and government teachers would include the movie in their curriculum. I want it shown on Bunko night, too, and anywhere else women gather. I realize this isn't our usual idea of socializing, but we are not voting in the numbers that we should be, and I think a little shock therapy is in order. It is jarring to watch Woodrow Wilson and his cronies try to persuade a psychiatrist to declare Alice Paul insane so that she could be permanently institutionalized. And it is inspiring to watch the doctor refuse. Alice Paul was strong, he said, and brave. That didn't make her crazy. The doctor admonished the men: "Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity."

Please pass this on to all the women you know. We need to get out and vote and use this right that was fought for so hard by these very courageous women.

~from the email bag Thanks, Lori!

Love him or loath him, Rush nailed this one right on the head.....

By Rush Limbaugh:

I think the vast differences in compensation between victims of the September 11 casualty and those who die serving the country in Uniform are profound. No one is really talking about it either, because you just don't criticize anything having to do with September 11. Well, I just can't let the numbers pass by because it says something really disturbing about the entitlement mentality of this country. If you lost a family member in the September 11 attack, you're going to get an average of $1,185,000. The range is a minimum guarantee of $250,000, all the way up to $4.7 million.


If you are a surviving family member of an American soldier killed in action, the first check you get is a $6,000 direct death benefit, half of which is taxable. Next, you get $1,750 for burial costs. If you are the surviving spouse, you get $833 a month until you remarry. And there's a payment of $211 per month for each child under 18. When the child hits 18, those payments come to a screeching halt.

Keep in mind that some of the people who are getting an average of $1.185 million up to $4.7 million are complaining that it's not enough. Their deaths were tragic, but for most, they were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Soldiers put themselves in harms way FOR ALL OF US, and they and their families know the dangers.

We also learned over the weekend that some of the victims from the Oklahoma City bombing have started an organization asking for the same deal that the September 11 families are getting. In addition to that, some of the families of those bombed in the embassies are now asking for compensation as well.

You see where this is going, don't you? Folks, this is part and parcel of over 50 years of entitlement politics in this country. It's just really sad. Every time a pay raise comes up for the military, they usually receive next to nothing of a raise. Now the green machine is in combat in the Middle East while their families have to survive on food stamps and live in low-rent housing. Make sense?

However, our own U.S. Congress just voted themselves a raise, and many of you don't know that they only have to be in Congress one time to receive a pension that is more than $15,000 per month, and most are now equal to being millionaires plus. They also do not receive Social Security on retirement because they didn't have to pay into the system.

If some of the military people stay in for 20 years and get out as an E-7, you may receive a pension of $1,000 per month, and the very people who placed you in harm's way receive a pension of $15,000 per month. I would like to see our elected officials pick up a weapon and join ranks before they start cutting out benefits and lowering pay for our sons and daughters who are now fighting.

"SOCIAL SECURITY: (This is worth the read. It's short and to the point.)

Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions during election years. Our Senators and Congressmen do not pay into Social Security. Many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan. In more recent years, no congressperson has felt the need to change it. For all practical purposes their plan works like this:

When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die, except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments. For example, former Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7,800,000 - that's Seven Million, Eight Hundred Thousand), with their wives drawing $275,000.00 during the last years of their lives.

This is calculated on an average life span for each.

Their cost for this excellent plan is $00.00. These little perks they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan.

The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the General Fund--our tax dollars at work! From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into -- every payday until we retire (which amount is matched by our employer) --we can expect to get an average $1,000 per month after retirement. Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one month to equal Senator Bill Bradley's benefits!

Social Security could be very good if only one small change were made. And that change would be to jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the Senators an Congressmen. Put them into the Social Security plan with the rest of us and then watch how fast they would fix it.

If enough people read this, maybe a seed of awareness will be planted and maybe good changes will evolve. WE, each one of us... can make a difference.


How many people can YOU send this to


~from the email bag
Thanks, Lori!

ACE MOUSE BALLS
~ Thanks, Harold!

I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face. This was a real memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor!
Especially note the last couple of sentences.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items. Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

~out of the email bag

With all the rhetoric in the news, here's some interesting facts from Iraq. Not everything going on over there is bad. We need to remember this and support our troops until the job is done!

This is a letter from Ray Reynolds, a medic in the Iowa Army National Guard,serving in Iraq:

As I head off to Baghdad for the final weeks of my stay in Iraq, I wanted to say thanks to all of you who did not believe the media. They have done a very poor job of covering everything that has happened. I am sorry that I have not been able to visit all of you during my two week leave back home. And just so you can rest at night knowing something is happening in Iraq that is noteworthy, I thought I would pass this on to you. This is the list of things that has happened in Iraq recently: (Please share it with your friends and compare it to the version that your paper is producing.)

* Over 400,000 kids have up-to-date immunizations.
* School attendance is up 80% from levels before the war.
* Over 1,500 schools have been renovated and rid of the weapons stored there so education can occur.
* The port of Uhm Qasar was renovated so grain can be off-loaded from ships faster.
* The country had its first 2 billion barrel export of oil in August.
* Over 4.5 million people have clean drinking water for the first time ever in Iraq.
* The country now receives 2 times the electrical power it did before the war.
* 100% of the hospitals are open and fully staffed, compared to 35% before the war.
* Elections are taking place in every major city, and city councils are in place.
* Sewer and water lines are installed in every major city.
* Over 60,000 police are patrolling the streets.
* Over 100,000 Iraqi civil defense police are securing the country.
* Over 80,000 Iraqi soldiers are patrolling the streets side by side with US soldiers.
* Over 400,000 people have telephones for the first time ever.
* Students are taught field sanitation and hand washing techniques to prevent the spread of germs.
* An interim constitution has been signed.
* Girls are allowed to attend school.
* Textbooks that don't mention Saddam are in the schools for the first time
in 30 years.

Don't believe for one second that these people do not want us there. I have met many, many people from Iraq that want us there, and in a bad way. They say they will never see the freedoms we talk about but they hope their children will. We are doing a good job in Iraq and I challenge anyone, anywhere to dispute me on these facts. So If you happen to run into John Kerry, be sure to give him my email address and send him to Denison, Iowa. This soldier will set him straight. If you are like me and very disgusted with how this period of rebuilding has been portrayed, email this to a friend and let them know there are good things happening.

Ray Reynolds, SFC
Iowa Army National Guard
234th Signal Battalion

~out of the email bag

This is interesting. . . . .
~Thanks, Harold!

There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq during the month of January.....in the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in the month of January. That's one American City folks, about as deadly as the entire war torn country of Iraq.

Worst president in history?

The following appeared in the Durham, NC local paper as a letter to the editor. Please forward to all on your list as this will put things in perspective:
Liberals claim President Bush shouldn't have started this war. They complain about his prosecution of it. One liberal recently claimed Bush was the worst president in U.S. history. Let's clear up one point: We didn't start the war on terror. Try to remember, it was started by terrorists BEFORE 9/11. Let's look at the 'worst' president and mismanagement claims.

*FDR led us into World War II. Germany never attacked us: Japan did. From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost, an average of 112,500 per year.
*Truman finished that war and started one in Korea, North Korea never attacked us. From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost, an average of 18,333 per year.
*John F. Kennedy started the Vietnam conflict in 1962. Vietnam never attacked us.
*Johnson turned Vietnam into a quagmire. From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost, an an average of 5,800 per year.
*Clinton went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent, Bosnia never attacked us. He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing. Osama has attacked us on Multiple occasions.
In the two years since terrorists attacked us, President Bush has liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida, put nuclear inspectors in Lybia, Iran and North Korea without firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people. We lost 600 soldiers, an average of 300 a year. Bush did all this abroad while not allowing another terrorist attack at home.

Worst president in history? Come on!

The Democrats are complaining about how long the war is taking, but.... It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51 day operation.

We've been looking for evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm Billing records.

It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Teddy Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick.

It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida!!!!

Our military is GREAT! PASS IT ON.

Strange Facts About the 1500s
~Thanks Flipper!

Next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be....

Here are some facts about the 1500s:

1. Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and, still, smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.

2. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then, all the other sons and men, then, the women and, finally, the children -- last of all the babies. By then, the water was so dirty you could, actually, lose someone in it -- hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

3. Houses had thatched roofs--thick straw, piled high, with no wood, underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so, all the dogs, cats, and other small animals (mice rats, and bugs), lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and, sometimes, the animals would slip and fall off the roof-- hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

4. There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could, really, mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top, afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

5. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor."

6. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter, when wet, so, they spread thresh on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entry way --hence, a "thresh hold."

7. They cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day, they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and,then, start over the next day. Sometimes, the stew had food in it, that had been there for quite a while--hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

8. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon."

9. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."

10. Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so, for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

11. Most people did not have pewter plates, but, had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often, trenchers were made from stale paysan bread, which was so old and hard that they could use them for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed, and, a lot of times, worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy moldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."

12. Bread was divided, according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or, "upper crust."

13. Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would, sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up-hence the custom of holding a "wake."

14. England is old and small, and, they started out running out of places to bury people. So, they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and, they realized they had been burying people alive. So, they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell", or, was considered a "dead ringer."

~out of the email bag

Thought for the Day

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report
that her telephone failed to ring when her friends
called -- and that on the few occasions when it did
ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone
rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene,
curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly
lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in
his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The
phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned
loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down
from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground
wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current
when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start
moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus
causing the phone to ring.

Which goes to show that some problems can be fixed by
pissing and moaning.

~from the email bag

Why Did the Chicken cross the Road?
~ The Strategy Page ~

Coalition Provisional Authority: The fact that the Iraqi chicken crossed the road affirmatively demonstrates that decision-making authority has been transferred to the chicken well in advance of the scheduled June 30th transition of power. From now on the chicken is responsible for its own decisions.

Halliburton: We were asked to help the chicken cross the road. Given the inherent risk of road crossing and the rarity of chickens, this operation will only cost the US government $326,004.

Muqtada al-Sadr: The chicken was a tool of the evil Coalition and will be killed.

US Army Military Police: We were directed to prepare the chicken to cross the road. As part of these preparations, individual soldiers ran over the chicken repeatedly and then plucked the chicken. We deeply regret the occurrence of any chicken rights violations.

Peshmerga: The chicken crossed the road, and will continue to cross the road, to show its independence and to transport the weapons it needs to defend itself. However, in future, to avoid problems, the chicken will be called a duck, and will wear a plastic bill.

1st Cav: The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without displaying two forms of picture identification. Thus, the chicken was appropriately detained and searched in accordance with current SOP?s. We apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken. As a result of this unfortunate incident, the command has instituted a gender sensitivity training program and all future chicken searches will be conducted by female soldiers.

Al Jazeera: The chicken was forced to cross the road multiple times at gunpoint by a large group of occupation soldiers, according to eye-witnesses. The chicken was then fired upon intentionally, in yet another example of the abuse of innocent Iraqi chickens.

Blackwater: We cannot confirm any involvement in the chicken-road-crossing incident.

Translators: Chicken he cross street because bad she tangle regulation. Future chicken table against my request.

U.S. Marine Corps: The chicken is dead.

Navy: The chicken upon crossing the road was painted and lashed to the curb.

Kerry: "The chicken crossed the road before it did not"

Baghdad Bob: The chicken never crossed the road! He is safe in Baghdad, miles from the marauding vehicles of the infidel! THERE IS NO ROAD!

USAF: "As you can see here in the target video, the bomb was locked onto the chicken...and there it goes...the chicken is still moving...still moving...and unfortunately passed out of the parameters of the guidance system so that the bomb completely missed it and hit the weasel instead. Gotta admit thought, it's impressive footage..."

~from the email bag
Thank you, Sean, the Marine Version made Dad spew his coffee~

OFFICIAL 2004 DNC CONVENTION PROGRAM

6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony
6:30pm - Anti-war rally no. 1
6:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri and al-Sadr defense fund
7:20pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:25pm - Tribute theme to Spain
7:45pm - Anti-war rally no. 2. (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:00pm - John Kerry presents one side of the issues
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop
9:00pm - Gay marriage ceremony
9:30pm - * Intermission * (Refreshments hosted by Ted Kennedy)
10:00pm - Flag stomping and defacing ceremony
10:15pm - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss
10:30pm - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
10:50pm - Pledge of allegiance to the UN
11:00pm - Double gay marriage ceremony
11:15pm - Maximizing Welfare workshop
11:20pm - John Kerry presents the other side of the issues
11:30pm - 'Free Saddam' pep rally
11:59pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:00am - Nomination of Democrat candidate

~Thanks to 'Shaman'

THIS ONE WILL NUDGE YOUR HEART~

The pickle jar as far back as I can remember sat on
the floor beside the dresser in my parents' bedroom.
When he got ready for bed, Dad would empty his pockets
and toss his coins into the jar. As a small boy I was
always fascinated at the sounds the coins made as they
were dropped into the jar. They landed with a merry
jingle when the jar was almost empty. Then the tones
gradually muted to a dull thud as the jar was filled.
I used to squat on the floor in front of the jar and
admire the copper and silver circles that glinted like
a pirate's treasure when the sun poured through the
bedroom window.

When the jar was filled, Dad would sit at the kitchen
table and roll the coins before taking them to the
bank. Taking the coins to the bank was always a big
production. Stacked neatly in a small cardboard box,
the coins were placed between Dad and me on the seat
of his old truck. Each and every time, as we drove to
the bank, Dad would look at me hopefully. "Those coins
are going to keep you out of the textile mill, son.
You're going to do better than me. This old mill
town's not going to hold you back." Also, each and
every time, as he slid the box of rolled coins across
the counter at the bank toward the cashier, he would
grin proudly. "These are for my son's college fund.
He'll never work at the mill
all his life like me!"

We would always celebrate each deposit by stopping for
an ice cream cone. I always got chocolate. Dad always
got vanilla. When the clerk at the ice cream parlor
handed Dad his change, he would show me the few coins
nestled in his palm. "When we get home, we'll start
filling the jar again." He always let me drop the
first coins into the empty jar. As they rattled around
with a brief, happy jingle, we grinned at each other.
"You'll get to college on pennies, nickels, dimes and
quarters," he said. "But you'll get there. I'll see to
that."

The years passed, and I finished college and took a
job in another town. Once, while visiting my parents,
I used the phone in their bedroom, and noticed that
the pickle jar was gone. It had served its purpose and
had been removed. A lump rose in my throat as I stared
at the spot beside the dresser where the jar had
always stood. My dad was a man of few words, and never
lectured me on the values of determination,
perseverance, and faith. The pickle jar had taught me
all these virtues far more eloquently than the most
flowery of words could have done.

When I married, I told my wife Susan about the
significant part the lowly pickle jar had played in my
life as a boy. In my mind, it defined, more than
anything else, how much my dad had loved me. No matter
how rough things got at home, Dad continued to
doggedly drop his coins into the jar. Even the summer
when Dad got laid off from the mill, and Mama had to
serve driedbeans several times a week, not a single
dime was taken from the jar. To the contrary, as Dad looked
across the table at me, pouring catsup over my beans
to make them more palatable, he became more determined
than ever to make a way out for me. "When you finish
college, Son," he told me, his eyes glistening,
"You'll never have to eat beans again...unless you
want to."

The first Christmas after our daughter Jessica was
born, we spent the holiday with my parents. After
dinner, Mom and Dad sat next to each other on the sofa,
taking turns cuddling their first grandchild. Jessica began
to whimper softly, and Susan took her from Dad's
arms."She probably needs to be changed," she said,
carrying the baby into my parents' bedroom to diaper
her. When Susan came back into the living room, there
was a strange mist in her eyes. She handed Jessica
back to Dad before taking my hand and leading me into
the room. "Look," she said softly, her eyes directing
me to a spot on the floor beside the dresser. To my
amazement, there, as if it had never been removed,
stood the old pickle jar, the bottom already covered
with coins. I walked over to the pickle jar, dug down
into my pocket, and pulled out a fistful of coins.
With a gamut of emotions choking me, I dropped
the coins into the jar. I looked up and saw that Dad,
carrying Jessica, had slipped quietly into the room.
Our eyes locked, and I knew he was feeling the same
emotions I felt. Neither one of us could speak.

This truly touched my heart... I know it has yours as
well. Sometimes we are so busy adding up our troubles
that we forget to count our blessings.Never
underestimate the power of your actions. With one
small gesture you can change a person's life, for
better or for worse. God puts us all in each other's
lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God
in others.

"The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or
touched - they must be felt with the heart."
~Helen Keller

In:
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.



The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent;
the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult;
the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.
~Alden Nowlan

AWESOME JOKE FROM THE EMAIL BAG~

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet
rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender
who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she
seductively signals that he should bring his face
closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently
caress his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she
asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
Actually, No," the man replies. "Can you get him for
me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her
hands beyond his beard and into his hair. Can't,"
breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there
anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give
him a message," she continues, running her forefinger
across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple
of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck
them gently. What should I tell him?" the bartender
manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no
toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the
ladies room."

Women and thier wiley ways!

Here's, yet another, example of that:

One day, while a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river,
her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared
and asked, "Why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water, and she needed the thimble to make her living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this
your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with a silver thimble. "Is this
your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three
thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some time later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the
riverbank, and her husband fell into the river. When she cried out, The Lord again appeared and asked her, Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the water!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress
replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor woman and am not able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said yes to Mel Gibson."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it

~Another one from the email bag

A Hearwarming Story I stumbled across. . . .


The Legend of Buck Bunny
(As told by John Burridge, complete with spastic gestures, bugged out eyes, and evil giggles.)

Once upon a time, 1988 to be exact, there was a college, Reed College in fact. And at this college there were some students who lived in a house called The Motel 6. Near by there was a Safeway, and in this Safeway, around Easter Time, there were boxes and boxes and boxes of chocolate Easter Bunnies.

One day, I was walking in the Safeway, and one of the bunnies caught my eye. It was Buck Bunny, and on the outside of Buck's box was a story. The story was bad; the story was tacky; the story was a collection of bad puns; and finally, the story was an artless rip off of Star Wars, Buck Rodgers, and World War II anti-German propaganda. "Oh my God," I said to myself, "This chocolate space bunny is so tacky, there's only one possible response: Into the microwave with you, Buck!"

And so I popped Buck Bunny into my shopping cart and scampered off to the Motel 6 with him and the rest of my groceries (Pop Tarts, Cheerioes, and 2% Milk, for those of you who have forgotten). We placed Buck into his own special little nitch in the cabinet (above the Microwave), and for two weeks we would remind Buck of his impending Doom on Easter Morning.

Easter Morning dawned. At the crack of noon we got up and stumbled about. We unwrapped Buck from his box, placed him in a bowl, and put him into the Microwave. Now, this was a in the late '80's before Microwaves were made fancy with internal turn tables and safety meshes across the glass doors. So you could see right into the window (and probably get a tan, too) while your food was beamed with microwaves.

We closed the door, dialed a time setting, and gathered around the window. Buck Bunny stood bravely. The microwave bell dinged. "This is sick," someone said, and continued "Do it some more." We gave him ten more seconds.

Nothing happened.

We twisted the timer as far as we could. The microwave fan blew and the megatron tube hummed and Buck Bunny stood there not melting. "Huh," I said, "I don't think anything is going to happen." About this time a sheen of moisture appeared on Buck's brown brow. "Oh, wait," someone said, "Something's happening."

Suddenly, with a quick thwuck Buck Bunny's little candy eyes fell backwards into his head and there were these little blank eye sockets staring out at us! And WE ALL WENT: "EEEEEEUWWW!!!!!!"

And then with a glorp Buck Bunny collapsed in on himself into a chocolate puddle.

We pulled him out of the Microwave, and there were his little candy eyes looking up at us.

We had a fruit fondue with bananas, oranges, and apples. For the rest of the afternoon we were spastic from the chocolate.

The End
(Or IS IT?)

~Sounds like my kind of party

Questions that really need answers...

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? they're both dogs!

9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

12. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

13 Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

14. Stop singing and read on..........

15. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

17. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

~Out of the email bag,
Thanks Flipper!

WOW!
~Seems some of my childhood heroes were hereos in more ways than one!

Surprising information

Captain Kangaroo turned 76 recently, which is odd, because he's never looked a day under 76. (DOB:6/27/27) It reminded me of the following story.
Some people have been a bit offended that the actor, Lee Marvin, is buried in a grave alongside 3 and 4 star generals at Arlington National Cemetery. His marker gives his name, rank (PVT) and service (USMC). Nothing else. Here's a guy who was only a famous movie star who served his time, why the heck does he rate burial with these guys? Well, following is the amazing answer: I always liked Lee Marvin, but did not know the extent of his Corps experiences.
In a time when many Hollywood stars served their country in the armed forces often in rear-echelon posts where they were carefully protected, only to be trotted out to perform for the cameras in war bond promotions, Lee Marvin was a genuine hero. He won the Navy Cross at Iwo Jima. There is only one higher Naval award... the Medal Of Honor. If that is a surprising comment on the true character of the man, he credits his sergeant with an even greater show of bravery. Dialog from The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson:
His guest was Lee Marvin. Johnny said: "Lee, I'll bet a lot of people are unaware that you were a Marine in the initial landing at Iwo Jima... and that during the course of that action you earned the Navy Cross and were severely wounded."
"Yeah, yeah... I got shot square in the ass and they gave me the Cross for securing a hot spot about halfway up Suribachi...bad thing about getting shot up on a mountain is guys getting' shot hauling you down. But, Johnny, at Iwo I served under the bravest man I ever knew...
We both got the cross the same day, but what he did for his Cross made mine look cheap in comparison. The dumb bastard actually stood up on Red beach and directed his troops to move forward and get the hell off the beach. Bullets flying by and mortar rounds landing every where and he stood there as the main target of gun fire so that he could get his men to safety. He did this on more than one occasion because his men's safety was more important than his own life. That Sergeant and I have been lifelong friends. When they brought me off Suribachi we passed the Sergeant and he lit a smoke and passed it to me, lying on my belly on the litter and said, where'd they get you Lee?'
"Well Bob... if you make it home before me, tell Mom to sell the outhouse!"
Johnny, I'm not lying...Sergeant Keeshan was the bravest man I ever knew.....
The Sergeant's name is Bob Keeshan... You and the world know him as "Captain Kangaroo."

On another note, there was this wimpy little man (who just passed away) on PBS, gentle and quiet. Mr. Rogers is another of those you would least suspect of being anything but what he now portrays to our youth. But Mr. Rogers was a U.S. Navy Seal, combat proven in Vietnam with over twenty-five confirmed kills to his name. He wore a long sleeve sweater on his show to cover the many tattoos on his forearm and biceps. A master in small arms and hand-to-hand combat, able to disarm or kill in a heartbeat. After the war Mr. Rogers became an ordained Presbyterian minister and therefore a pacifist. Vowing to never harm another human and also dedicating the rest of his life to trying to help lead children on the right path in life. He hid the tattoos and his past life away and won our hearts with his quiet wit and charm. America's real heroes don't flaunt what they did, they quietly go about their day to day lives, doing what they do best. They earned our respect and the freedoms that we all enjoy.
Look around and see if you can find one of those heroes in your midst. Often, they are the ones you'd least suspect, but would most like to have on your side if anything ever happened. Take the time to thank anyone that has fought for our freedom. With encouragement they could be the next Captain Kangaroo or Mr. Rogers.

~from the email bag,
Thanks Ryan!~

A few Random Thoughts for your consideration~

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

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3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?


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4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

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5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

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6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

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7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

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8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

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9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

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10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

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11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

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12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

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13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

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14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

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15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

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16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ..they're cramming for their final exam.

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17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks , so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

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18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

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19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

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20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

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21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

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22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

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23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

~Thanks, Merc

from the email bag~

Thanks for sharing this one with us, Harold!

Retired Green Beret takes on John Kerry

Open Letter to John Kerry:

My wife had rotator cuff surgery earlier this year, and the recovery is terribly painful. Then, she developed a staph-epi infection, and they had to cut the same scar open and operate on her again. Just thinking about the pain and anxiety of facing that painful surgery a second time in the same wound, makes me cringe. That experience, however pales in comparison to what I am going through right now, in my heart.

The old hurts are surfacing and the feelings of betrayal by fellow citizens, and their leader stirring them up, are breaking my heart again. I am being cut in the same scar. How did we who served in Vietnam suddenly become cold-blooded killers, torturers, and rapists, of the ilk of the Nazi SS or the Taliban? Most of us were American soldiers who grew up idolizing John Wayne, Roy Rogers, and all the other heroes. That was why I volunteered.. But for political expediency, John Kerry has rewritten history, again. After spending only four months in the country of Vietnam, John Kerry testified before Congress in 1971 with these exact words about incidents he supposedly witnessed or heard about from other vets: "They personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads, taped wires from portable telephones to human genitals and turned up the power, cut off limbs, blown up bodies, randomly shot at civilians, razed villages, shot cattle and dogs for fun, poisoned food stocks, and generally ravaged the countryside of South Vietnam."

I was a green beret officer who volunteered for duty in Vietnam and fought in the thick of it in 1968 and 1969 on a Special Forces A-team on the Ho Chi Minh Trail, just for starters. We were the elite. We saw the most action. Everybody in the world knows that. But we did not just kill people, we built a church, a school, treated illnesses, passed out soap, food, and clothing, and had fun and loving interaction with the indigenous people of Vietnam, just like our boys did in Normandy, Baghdad, Saigon, and everywhere American soldiers ever served. We all gave away our candy bars and rations to kids. Our hearts to oppressed people all over the globe. > >My children and grandchildren could read your words, and think those horrendous things about me, Mr. Kerry. You are a bold-faced, unprincipled liar, and a disgrace, and you have dishonored me and all my fellow Vietnam veterans. Sure, there were a couple bad-apples, but I saw none, and I saw it all, and if I did, as an army officer, it was my obligation to stop it, or at the very least report it. Why is there not a single record anywhere of you ever reporting any incidents like this or having the perpetrators arrested? The answer is simple. You are a liar. Your medals and mine are not a free pass for lifetime, Senator Kerry, to bypass character, integrity, and morality. I earn my green beret over and over daily in all aspects of my life.

Eight National Guard green berets, and other National Guard soldiers, have been killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, and you totally dishonored their widows and families by lumping National Guard service in with being a draft-dodger, conscientious objector, and deserter, just so you can try to sabotage the patriotism of our President who proudly served as an Air National Guard jet pilot. I have a son earning his green beret at Fort Bragg right now, and his wife serves honorably in the Air National Guard, just like President Bush did, and I am as proud of her as I am my son. I volunteered for Vietnam and have no problem whatsoever with President Bush being our Commander-In-Chief. In fact, I am proud of him as our leader.

John Kerry, you personally derailed the Vietnam Human rights Bill, HR2883, in 2001, after it had passed the House by a 411 to 1 vote, and thousands of pro-American Montagnard tribespeople in Vietnam died since then who could have been saved, by you. Earlier, as Chair of the Senate Select Committee on MIA/POW Affairs, you personally quashed the efforts of any and all veterans to report sightings of living POW's, when you held those reins in Congress. You have fought tooth and nail to push for the US to normalize relations with Vietnam for years. Why, Mr. Kerry?

Simple, your first cousin C. Stewart Forbes, CEO, of Colliers International, recently signed a contract with Hanoi, worth BILLIONS of dollars for Collier's International to become the exclusive real estate representative for the country of Vietnam.

"Hanoi John," now that it works for you, you beat your chest about your Vietnam service, but to me, you are a phony, opportunistic, hypocrite. You are one of those politicians that is like a fertilizer machine: all that comes out of you is horse manure, and you are spreading it everywhere.

Medals do not make a man. Morals do.

Don Bendell
Canon City, Colorado


Don Bendell served as an officer in four Special Forces Groups, is a best-selling author with over 1,500,000 books in print, a 1995 inductee into the International Karate Hall of Fame, and owns karate schools in southern Colorado.

~from the email bag

THOUGHTS OF THE DAY
{thanks, Flipper!}

13. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway...

12. Life is sexually transmitted...

11. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die...

10. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich...

9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks...

8. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...

7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing...

6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again...

5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism...

4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???

3. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal...

2.Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first...

AND THE #1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these Terrorists most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of Immigration & Homeland Security...

~from the email bag

ALERT!Subject: New Arkansas quarter

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Hang on to any of the new State of Arkansas quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents. The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Arkansas quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.

We are recalling all the new Arkansas quarters that were recently
issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday. "This action is being taken after numerous reports that new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices".

The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide.

"The problem lies in the unique design of the Arkansas quarter, which was created by a University of Arkansas graduate," Shackleford said. "Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."

~from the email bag

How to be a liberal - a guide for the rest of us...

Virtually anyone can become a liberal. Simply quit thinking and vote that way. Here are the prerequisites:

1. You must believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2. You must believe the same teacher who cannot teach 4th graders to read is somehow qualified to teach them about sex.
3. You must believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of Chinese Communists.
4. You must believe there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You must believe global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by SUVs.
6. You must believe gender roles are artificial, but homosexuality is natural.
7. You must be against capital punishment, but in favor of abortion on demand.
8. You must believe business creates oppression and the government creates prosperity.
9. You must believe self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
10. You must believe the military, not politicians, start wars where military personnel, not politicians, die.
11. You must believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
12. You must believe taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
13. You must believe standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
14. You must believe Hillary Clinton is a lady.
15. You must believe the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
16. You must believe homosexual parades are Constitutionally protected, but manger displays at Christmas are illegal.

~ from the email bag (Thanks Harold!)

With Valentines Day fast aproaching, I've come across some great advise I want to share with you. Check this out!

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
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( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

( 2 ) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kirsten, age 10


WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

( 1 ) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

( 2 ) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
-- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

( 1 ) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8


WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

( 1 ) Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8


WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

( 1 ) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

( 2 ) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10



WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

( 1 ) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9


WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

( 1 ) When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

( 2 ) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7

( 3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8


IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

( 1 ) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
-- Theodore, age 8

( 2 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)


HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

( 1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8


And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

( 1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

~from the email bag and out of the mouths of babes!